October 11, 2015
All The Little Parts Of Me.: So Many Expectations
All The Little Parts Of Me.: So Many Expectations: So many people expect us to be so many things. Everyone has an idea of how we should act, what we she should say, what we should share. But...
So Many Expectations
So many people expect us to be so many things. Everyone has an idea of how we should act, what we she should say, what we should share. But at the end of the day, we have to make the decision. We have to think about the consequences of our actions and decide whether any consequence that may come as a result of our choices is one we can live with. It's as simple as that. When I was growing up, my dad used to say in French "Il faut souffrir les consequences de vos inconsequences" which means something like "you must face the consequences of your inconsequences" which really means that we should accept the price of our irresponsible choices. This phrase has become a tune that's been playing in my head a lot lately. It stays there like a warning bell that goes off on any given day, at any given time and it has sort of become my guiding light.
I realize that everyone holds expectations of other people but, some of these expectations are so unrealistic, not to say unfair. I'm not a licensed therapist nor a life coach or anything like that. What I write is based on my experiences and reflections; I'm just thinking out loud about what I'm discovering as I follow my own path. So to go back to those expectations: Everyone has them. We all carry expectations for ourselves and others and we don't even realize the kind of pressure we may be putting on each other because of them. There's a difference, I think, between having expectations and rooting for someone to do well. Expectations to me, carry a judgmental undertone whereas support doesn't. Expectations are nuanced by our opinions of what and how certain things should be done whereas positive support is just that: Encouragement, boost of confidence. And you can see the difference. Some of us take it personal when someone doesn't fulfill our expectations. We distance ourselves, stop offering support. But is that fair? Is it fair to impose our expectations, which may be a reflection of our own values, our own principles, on someone else? To demand that a friend, family member, co-worker or public figure behave in a way that meets our approval even if it may not meet theirs or someone else's? Better yet, do we truly understand what's going on in a person's life to the point of claiming to know what the better way is? Do we?
We hurt each other so much when we do these things: Impose expectations, sometimes reasonable but sometimes so very unrealistic. And we assume so much about each other. Boy do we ever love to assume that we know, that we understand. How can we say that we know or understand what's going on with someone when we have never really spoken with them other than in passing, to exchange mere greetings or pleasantries? It occurred to me today that some of the "people" I think about in one way or another, and I'll admit, some I don't think of in such a nice way, I've never really had a real conversation with the entire time that I've known them. I know them... May have known them for a long time even, but I have never actually had a one-on-one conversation with them to really get to know them or hear their thoughts on anything. I may talk to them in a group setting, may see them interact with others from afar but I don't really know them. Yet, I've developed these assumptions, ideas and expectations based on just my impression of them. I don't know whether my impressions are founded or not but, they were enough to influence my decisions and shape my behavior. Whether consciously or unconsciously, I adapted my behavior to my expectations, even though those expectations were based on nothing more than very superficial feelings. So that got me thinking... If this is happening with me and I consider myself pretty mellow and open, it is probably happening to a lot of other folks. Hmmm...
I don't like the idea of having to fulfill a whole bunch of expectations from a whole bunch of different people. More than anything, I want to hold on to my sense of self and work on bettering the person that I am, not bend and twist to meet others' expectations of who I should be. And in so doing, I'm slowly coming to the realization that this will come with a price. People will fade out of our lives as new ones come in. We will be judged for better or worse, regardless of the direction we take so, what do we do? How about just staying true to ourselves and embracing that golden rule, the one that says "Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You" ? We can't spend our lives trying to fulfill everyone's expectations, even if those people are near and dear to us. It's not realistic but, if we carry this principle to treat others as we would like to be treated, at least, we'll know that we are trying our best to live a good life, to live a life where we can look at ourselves in the mirror and, even as we'll see the flaws of our imperfections, we will also see clear eyes and our authentic self. I think that's enough to get us started. The rest, we'll figure out as we go.
I realize that everyone holds expectations of other people but, some of these expectations are so unrealistic, not to say unfair. I'm not a licensed therapist nor a life coach or anything like that. What I write is based on my experiences and reflections; I'm just thinking out loud about what I'm discovering as I follow my own path. So to go back to those expectations: Everyone has them. We all carry expectations for ourselves and others and we don't even realize the kind of pressure we may be putting on each other because of them. There's a difference, I think, between having expectations and rooting for someone to do well. Expectations to me, carry a judgmental undertone whereas support doesn't. Expectations are nuanced by our opinions of what and how certain things should be done whereas positive support is just that: Encouragement, boost of confidence. And you can see the difference. Some of us take it personal when someone doesn't fulfill our expectations. We distance ourselves, stop offering support. But is that fair? Is it fair to impose our expectations, which may be a reflection of our own values, our own principles, on someone else? To demand that a friend, family member, co-worker or public figure behave in a way that meets our approval even if it may not meet theirs or someone else's? Better yet, do we truly understand what's going on in a person's life to the point of claiming to know what the better way is? Do we?
We hurt each other so much when we do these things: Impose expectations, sometimes reasonable but sometimes so very unrealistic. And we assume so much about each other. Boy do we ever love to assume that we know, that we understand. How can we say that we know or understand what's going on with someone when we have never really spoken with them other than in passing, to exchange mere greetings or pleasantries? It occurred to me today that some of the "people" I think about in one way or another, and I'll admit, some I don't think of in such a nice way, I've never really had a real conversation with the entire time that I've known them. I know them... May have known them for a long time even, but I have never actually had a one-on-one conversation with them to really get to know them or hear their thoughts on anything. I may talk to them in a group setting, may see them interact with others from afar but I don't really know them. Yet, I've developed these assumptions, ideas and expectations based on just my impression of them. I don't know whether my impressions are founded or not but, they were enough to influence my decisions and shape my behavior. Whether consciously or unconsciously, I adapted my behavior to my expectations, even though those expectations were based on nothing more than very superficial feelings. So that got me thinking... If this is happening with me and I consider myself pretty mellow and open, it is probably happening to a lot of other folks. Hmmm...
I don't like the idea of having to fulfill a whole bunch of expectations from a whole bunch of different people. More than anything, I want to hold on to my sense of self and work on bettering the person that I am, not bend and twist to meet others' expectations of who I should be. And in so doing, I'm slowly coming to the realization that this will come with a price. People will fade out of our lives as new ones come in. We will be judged for better or worse, regardless of the direction we take so, what do we do? How about just staying true to ourselves and embracing that golden rule, the one that says "Do Unto Others as You Would Have Them Do Unto You" ? We can't spend our lives trying to fulfill everyone's expectations, even if those people are near and dear to us. It's not realistic but, if we carry this principle to treat others as we would like to be treated, at least, we'll know that we are trying our best to live a good life, to live a life where we can look at ourselves in the mirror and, even as we'll see the flaws of our imperfections, we will also see clear eyes and our authentic self. I think that's enough to get us started. The rest, we'll figure out as we go.
August 5, 2015
Stop caring so much
I decided that life is too short to make it more difficult than it already is. I know not everyone understands why I focus on some of the things I do. I know I can't escape being judged or whatever but I've actually reached a point where I just stopped caring. I really did. I do what I can to try and respect others even when I don't get it back in return but not getting everyone's approval has stopped to matter so much for me. I just don't care. I know some people will be offended but guess what? I don't care about that either. I'm not perfect. I really have some things I struggle with just like everybody else; I won't get into it here but let's just say that there's definitely room for improvement, something I keep in mind as I try to confront my flaws and redress them. I'm human. But I'm so glad I broke free of this need to please that I've carried around for so long. I was under the impression or, maybe I should say that I believed I owed it to my family, my friends and anyone else in my life to always give them my best. Always. Even at my own expense. I love my family, my friends. I love the people I got close to through growing and learning as an adult but I needed to understand that loving them didn't mean not taking care of myself. I've carried this burden unnecessarily for so long. I'm not even sure I know how to stop being that way but I guess not caring so much about what others think when I don't act as they expect me to, putting my needs and those of my family and by that I'm referring to my husband and son, putting their needs first, are the first steps towards that change. I needed to understand that, even when they mean well, not everyone can actually appreciate my personal situation. I think of myself as a good person. I believe I am a good person; I know how I think and how I feel, how much I care but gosh, caring sometimes got in the way of taking care of my life, of taking care of my needs because I tend to do a lot of one and a whole lot less of the other. It's because of my sense of responsibility, of traditions, of feeling like I need to give back, my need to keep everybody happy, to keep the peace and yes, my need for approval that got me trapped into this cycle for so long. I believed, wrongly, that it was my duty, my responsibility, my job to make sure everyone was as good as they could be, even when my life was being completely screwed, shattered. I like my peace of mind, most of all. I like harmony and serenity. I believe that the bonds of friendships should be maintained and that family ties should never be broken. Because of that, I have allowed people to take advantage of me, humiliate me, walk over me and my feelings and for what? I'm pretty outspoken; I tend to speak my mind but so often, I've held back, especially when it came to maintaining family ties. I believe in that. I believe that family is one of the strongest support system that exist for us human beings but sometimes, things get in the way. Miscommunication, expectations, pride or whatever else may be going on, all of these things that make us do those things we do to hurt others. If I recognize one of them and it comes from me, and I care about who or what it is impacting, which is always the case, I try my best to fix it. But I can only fix what I can control. I can't control others' actions, reactions, thoughts and feelings. I can try to influence them through dialogue and my own actions but besides that, there's very little I can do to try to fix a situation that is not ideal. So, rather than waste my energy trying to fix what's beyond my control, I decided that I would focus on doing, on being, on trying harder to be the person I hope to be, on trying to have the life I want, on trying to effect my world in a more positive way.
I am a free-spirited, catholic, faith-driven individual. Even that is controversial for some. How could I say that I'm a Christian and not raise my voice against same-sex marriage or relationships? Because it's not for me to say. Just like abortion. It's for not me to say. I live my life according to my truth and my beliefs and the same is true for others. And also, I believe in Jesus' love, God's love. I don't know His ultimate plan for all of us but I believe that He loves us, that He loves me and because of that, I don't believe in spreading hate. I condemn racism and discrimination because I don't understand how people who call themselves Christians can act so un-Christ like. I pray hard but probably not the way some would expect a faith-driven, God-filled person to do it but I don't care about that either. No one can judge my spiritual relationship with God but God Himself. I'm sort of a peace-waving banner kind of a person but I actually believe in the right to defend myself. Therefore, while I'm more pro-peace than pro-war, I won't let myself be slaughtered without a fight.
Finally, my vision of life is one of joy. I believe in light, in laughter, in good times. I know life is made of good and bad times but I really, really like to focus on how to increase the opportunity for good times, which is where my philosophy of creating "Pockets of Happiness" came from. My life has been nothing short of complicated, difficult, painful. But I somehow managed to retain this love for joy and anything that can create it. I don't want to focus on the fact that my life is not exactly the way I envisioned it would be because I can't change that. I'm not even sure I'm done dealing with that reality yet, still fighting through that but, I can definitely join into laughter, enjoy music, move my body and dance, participate in the good that comes with living this life. I have to. That's the only way to go on for me. I can't just focus on how to help my son, how to support my husband, how to change careers. I can't just think of my troubles and not make time to laugh. But I also have to work on protecting myself, protecting my feelings from being hurt even when it happens by accident. I've done it, hurt people's feelings. I'm guilty of it, too. But I've always tried to respect all people and that, friends, is the truth. While I've had my share of conflicts, I've tried as much as possible to work through them because of this need that I have for everything to be OK, this need for harmony and peace of mind and all of that, because of this idea of how things should be but, I had to learn the hard way that not everyone is like that. Different things matter to different people and, there's nothing wrong with that. There's no wrong or right here. Like I often say "To each his own" right? I can only control what I do. So that's how I've come to this place of not caring so much about what others think of me. I don't know what motivates others to act the way they do; I may have an inkling into their reasons but unless I'm them, I can't fully understand why they act the way they do, just like they can't fully understand why I choose to do what I do. Thus my new resolve to focus on what I can control and what I can do to live my life according to my truth.
I can be a little boring, a little too Miss Goody-Two-Shoes for some but so what? If that's how people see me, so what? I hope to spread joy, positivity sprinkled with a good dose of reality check around. I hope to address those questions that are important to me and, to have some conversations that may make some uncomfortable at times. I will refuse to take the bait to engage into verbal fights because I'm not interested. I will not engage into bashing and will remain open to hearing different opinions. I will not, however, allow others to insult me, not directly anyway. What they say about me behind my back, I don't care. But it won't happen one-on-one. I won't respond. I will simply delete and block if it so requires, just like I'm sure some won't hesitate to do for me, just like some have already done probably. Life has come to that. I just want to keep it simple. I have to keep it going and try to live as full, as productive a life as I can. That's the plan. God, Faith, Family, Friends. Dreams, Goals, Work. A job where I can do some good, hopefully make a difference, have a significant impact, help others and earn a good income in the process, enough to live on and take care of my family. Conflicts? Agree to disagree on some points but keep it civil and that's it. That's how I'm approaching things from now on. Like I said at the beginning, life is too short, too complicated, too hard. My life is anyway and that's the truth. Live and let live. #Pockets of Happiness.
I am a free-spirited, catholic, faith-driven individual. Even that is controversial for some. How could I say that I'm a Christian and not raise my voice against same-sex marriage or relationships? Because it's not for me to say. Just like abortion. It's for not me to say. I live my life according to my truth and my beliefs and the same is true for others. And also, I believe in Jesus' love, God's love. I don't know His ultimate plan for all of us but I believe that He loves us, that He loves me and because of that, I don't believe in spreading hate. I condemn racism and discrimination because I don't understand how people who call themselves Christians can act so un-Christ like. I pray hard but probably not the way some would expect a faith-driven, God-filled person to do it but I don't care about that either. No one can judge my spiritual relationship with God but God Himself. I'm sort of a peace-waving banner kind of a person but I actually believe in the right to defend myself. Therefore, while I'm more pro-peace than pro-war, I won't let myself be slaughtered without a fight.
Finally, my vision of life is one of joy. I believe in light, in laughter, in good times. I know life is made of good and bad times but I really, really like to focus on how to increase the opportunity for good times, which is where my philosophy of creating "Pockets of Happiness" came from. My life has been nothing short of complicated, difficult, painful. But I somehow managed to retain this love for joy and anything that can create it. I don't want to focus on the fact that my life is not exactly the way I envisioned it would be because I can't change that. I'm not even sure I'm done dealing with that reality yet, still fighting through that but, I can definitely join into laughter, enjoy music, move my body and dance, participate in the good that comes with living this life. I have to. That's the only way to go on for me. I can't just focus on how to help my son, how to support my husband, how to change careers. I can't just think of my troubles and not make time to laugh. But I also have to work on protecting myself, protecting my feelings from being hurt even when it happens by accident. I've done it, hurt people's feelings. I'm guilty of it, too. But I've always tried to respect all people and that, friends, is the truth. While I've had my share of conflicts, I've tried as much as possible to work through them because of this need that I have for everything to be OK, this need for harmony and peace of mind and all of that, because of this idea of how things should be but, I had to learn the hard way that not everyone is like that. Different things matter to different people and, there's nothing wrong with that. There's no wrong or right here. Like I often say "To each his own" right? I can only control what I do. So that's how I've come to this place of not caring so much about what others think of me. I don't know what motivates others to act the way they do; I may have an inkling into their reasons but unless I'm them, I can't fully understand why they act the way they do, just like they can't fully understand why I choose to do what I do. Thus my new resolve to focus on what I can control and what I can do to live my life according to my truth.
I can be a little boring, a little too Miss Goody-Two-Shoes for some but so what? If that's how people see me, so what? I hope to spread joy, positivity sprinkled with a good dose of reality check around. I hope to address those questions that are important to me and, to have some conversations that may make some uncomfortable at times. I will refuse to take the bait to engage into verbal fights because I'm not interested. I will not engage into bashing and will remain open to hearing different opinions. I will not, however, allow others to insult me, not directly anyway. What they say about me behind my back, I don't care. But it won't happen one-on-one. I won't respond. I will simply delete and block if it so requires, just like I'm sure some won't hesitate to do for me, just like some have already done probably. Life has come to that. I just want to keep it simple. I have to keep it going and try to live as full, as productive a life as I can. That's the plan. God, Faith, Family, Friends. Dreams, Goals, Work. A job where I can do some good, hopefully make a difference, have a significant impact, help others and earn a good income in the process, enough to live on and take care of my family. Conflicts? Agree to disagree on some points but keep it civil and that's it. That's how I'm approaching things from now on. Like I said at the beginning, life is too short, too complicated, too hard. My life is anyway and that's the truth. Live and let live. #Pockets of Happiness.
June 20, 2015
Sister Talk
Sometimes, I forget how lucky I am to have family members I'm close to then, life happens and sends me a reminder. I'm the oldest of 10 siblings. Really! It's a blended family, many half-brothers and sisters but I love them all and, over time, I've come to see them as just brothers and sisters. So to go back to my thoughts, I'm the oldest of quite a large group of siblings and I'm usually the one to guide, advise, help out, pray for all the others. I'm sure they pray for me too but when it comes to life, I'm usually the one to dish out advice. But from time to time, I get a reminder that we are all adults now and many of my sisters and brothers have developed their own views of the world, of life and may have a different perspective on things. It's nice to realize that.
Today, I was at the receiving end of the advice-giving. One of my younger sisters, who's usually not one to actually say that much about other people, had a real advice-giving, no-nonsense talk with me and I am so grateful. I'm so grateful that she was there to listen, to talk to, to answer questions and to offer advice. It's nice to not be the one thinking about what could make things better for a change but, most of all, I felt so comforted by our conversation. Listening to her express her views on issues we're facing, I realize that I now count one more ally in my corner, one more person who understands. Even if we live much different lives, she understands enough to get my problems and she cuts me no slack either. "Stop trying so hard" she told me. "Vous n'etes pas sur la meme longueur d'ondes" she said again in French, replying to a comment I had made. And that expression means "You're not on the same wavelength" or again "you don't see eye to eye". Hmm. When did my little sister get so wise? She's not that little really. She's only 3 years younger than me but still... Apparently, she knows a little something about something. Even though I didn't feel our conversation was over, I was left with a smile after I hung up the phone. Why? Because I had just gotten some advice from my little sister, the same one who always calls on me to talk about school issues and work issues and life issues. The same one who sometimes appears unsure or indecisive. She's much stronger than she looks and I was happy to find that out, even if it was at my own expenses.
Today, I was at the receiving end of the advice-giving. One of my younger sisters, who's usually not one to actually say that much about other people, had a real advice-giving, no-nonsense talk with me and I am so grateful. I'm so grateful that she was there to listen, to talk to, to answer questions and to offer advice. It's nice to not be the one thinking about what could make things better for a change but, most of all, I felt so comforted by our conversation. Listening to her express her views on issues we're facing, I realize that I now count one more ally in my corner, one more person who understands. Even if we live much different lives, she understands enough to get my problems and she cuts me no slack either. "Stop trying so hard" she told me. "Vous n'etes pas sur la meme longueur d'ondes" she said again in French, replying to a comment I had made. And that expression means "You're not on the same wavelength" or again "you don't see eye to eye". Hmm. When did my little sister get so wise? She's not that little really. She's only 3 years younger than me but still... Apparently, she knows a little something about something. Even though I didn't feel our conversation was over, I was left with a smile after I hung up the phone. Why? Because I had just gotten some advice from my little sister, the same one who always calls on me to talk about school issues and work issues and life issues. The same one who sometimes appears unsure or indecisive. She's much stronger than she looks and I was happy to find that out, even if it was at my own expenses.
June 15, 2015
I'll admit it. Maybe I'm too cautious but it takes me forever to make a decision, especially when the decision may have a direct impact on my family life. However, when the same things have been nagging at me for the last couple of years, when the voice in my head saying it's time for a change has been getting louder and louder, maybe it's time I listen to it. I guess change is scary and there's also the investment of time and the fear of the unknown but, I've debated long enough. Time to tackle my fears and just try something a little different.
I wish I could simply wake up one day and decide "this is it" and just do it. Make that change I've been yearning for. I really wish I could. I know people around me who have and whenever I hear their stories, I'm so envious of their courage, guts, defiance against life's demands. "Why can't I do that" I would wonder, "why can't I be like them and just make up my mind?" And I would feel frustrated, trapped. It's not that anyone is forcing me to do or not to do anything. No one is telling me "Just stay where you are. Keep doing what you've been doing all these years" but I feel like I would be acting irresponsibly if I just got up and left something that I know how to do only to go for uncertainty.
Now, lately it has occurred to me that my current work situation may not be the best one for my family. It's not always like that but the past year has been a particularly challenging one. I've had to navigate a new and difficult environment with very little help but, where it directly impacted my family was that there was just a lot more associated with this year's assignment. A lot more prep time needed to get things done, a lot more follow-up work to ensure that they're done properly, a lot more time thinking and stressing about what will happen, what may happen. I had to worry about that and still be the person I wanted to be, that I needed to be for my family. And all in all, nothing matters more to me than the two people I share my life with every day. Nothing.
So there goes my conundrum. I see how time is slipping away, forcing me to put precious plans, important life plans on the back burner all because I'm too busy with the demands of a temporary, volatile assignment. The good? Well, can't complain about compensation though it's not perfect but hey, I'll take it. The bad? it's costing me so much of my personal life, costing me so much of my family time. And I know what the argument is: You make sacrifices. I know all about that argument. Sacrifices. My whole adult life has been about sacrifices. In fact, if I do go ahead and make a change, it won't be to satisfy a selfish need to go and spread my wings in the great blue uncertain sky. It will be to dedicate my free time entirely to my family and to my home life, something I'm having a hard time doing right now. Oh, I still manage to do the important things but, it's like they say: Something's gotta give, right? And that's usually what ends up happening. When I need to focus on an important matter, the other side suffers. Always. Always.
Can't go on like this so, I decided to take a real, hard look at my life, all aspects of my life. After acknowledging all of my feelings, the joy I found in some assignments, the distraught I felt in others, I realized that whether permanent or temporary, it would serve me well to try something else, something of a different nature. Doesn't even have to be completely different. Could be something as simple as focusing on different areas of my assignment, try to serve in a different capacity but try something else and see whether it leaves me more time to be with my family.
I wish I could simply wake up one day and decide "this is it" and just do it. Make that change I've been yearning for. I really wish I could. I know people around me who have and whenever I hear their stories, I'm so envious of their courage, guts, defiance against life's demands. "Why can't I do that" I would wonder, "why can't I be like them and just make up my mind?" And I would feel frustrated, trapped. It's not that anyone is forcing me to do or not to do anything. No one is telling me "Just stay where you are. Keep doing what you've been doing all these years" but I feel like I would be acting irresponsibly if I just got up and left something that I know how to do only to go for uncertainty.
Now, lately it has occurred to me that my current work situation may not be the best one for my family. It's not always like that but the past year has been a particularly challenging one. I've had to navigate a new and difficult environment with very little help but, where it directly impacted my family was that there was just a lot more associated with this year's assignment. A lot more prep time needed to get things done, a lot more follow-up work to ensure that they're done properly, a lot more time thinking and stressing about what will happen, what may happen. I had to worry about that and still be the person I wanted to be, that I needed to be for my family. And all in all, nothing matters more to me than the two people I share my life with every day. Nothing.
So there goes my conundrum. I see how time is slipping away, forcing me to put precious plans, important life plans on the back burner all because I'm too busy with the demands of a temporary, volatile assignment. The good? Well, can't complain about compensation though it's not perfect but hey, I'll take it. The bad? it's costing me so much of my personal life, costing me so much of my family time. And I know what the argument is: You make sacrifices. I know all about that argument. Sacrifices. My whole adult life has been about sacrifices. In fact, if I do go ahead and make a change, it won't be to satisfy a selfish need to go and spread my wings in the great blue uncertain sky. It will be to dedicate my free time entirely to my family and to my home life, something I'm having a hard time doing right now. Oh, I still manage to do the important things but, it's like they say: Something's gotta give, right? And that's usually what ends up happening. When I need to focus on an important matter, the other side suffers. Always. Always.
Can't go on like this so, I decided to take a real, hard look at my life, all aspects of my life. After acknowledging all of my feelings, the joy I found in some assignments, the distraught I felt in others, I realized that whether permanent or temporary, it would serve me well to try something else, something of a different nature. Doesn't even have to be completely different. Could be something as simple as focusing on different areas of my assignment, try to serve in a different capacity but try something else and see whether it leaves me more time to be with my family.
As close as we want or as far away as we choose
Underneath it all, we are all people, alike in our humanity, unique in our differences. We can choose to connect with one another through the threads of our similarities or isolate ourselves from others through the starkness of our differences. However we choose to live, whatever we decide, it is completely up to us but it doesn't change the truth about what makes us human. This occurred to me as I took my nightly stroll through my Facebook newsfeed tonight. Whenever something caught my interest, I would click on it to get a closer look or, to read the full post and I realized that many of the pictures, inspirational quotes or status people were sharing were similar to mine and to others I was seeing around the network. They either reflected a desire to live life fully, to be happy, expressed gratitude for the present, for people in their lives, or showed a desire to get better.
And what struck me is that, while we are all very different in that we lead very different lives, our main concerns all seem to revolve around the same topics. I mean, yes some of the people I know share many of my fundamental core values, have similar backgrounds, but others are just completely different.
Different is not bad. Different makes for interesting conversations. The only time I fear different is when different is endangering or hurting others. That's the kind of different I fear. Other than that, nope, I'm not afraid of different. It would be so much easier if we all learned to appreciate each other through our similarities and differences. We don't have to like everything about each other. We just have to respect each other.
And what struck me is that, while we are all very different in that we lead very different lives, our main concerns all seem to revolve around the same topics. I mean, yes some of the people I know share many of my fundamental core values, have similar backgrounds, but others are just completely different.
Different is not bad. Different makes for interesting conversations. The only time I fear different is when different is endangering or hurting others. That's the kind of different I fear. Other than that, nope, I'm not afraid of different. It would be so much easier if we all learned to appreciate each other through our similarities and differences. We don't have to like everything about each other. We just have to respect each other.
March 29, 2015
All The Little Parts Of Me.: Doing it my way.
So, I started this journey. It's more than a weight loss
journey. It's a journey towards self-discovery, self-fulfillment, self-acclamation.
Do I really need self-acclamation? I'm not sure I do. I'm pretty
happy to be me. I'm quite comfortable in my own skin. I know I have
my imperfections but, I spend a lot of time looking inwards, thinking... Well,
I don't really have "a lot of time" to think but, whenever I have a
little hole in my schedule, I do tend to do some introspection. I can say
that I know a lot about who I am but, I'm sure there's still a lot left to
"discover". All in all though, I'm happy to be the person
that I am.
So, yes I started this journey. I didn't choose the exact moment to start it. It was forced upon me because of special circumstances or, shall I say, moments of crisis that were happening in my life at the time. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle them all by myself so I turned to someone I knew and trusted for help and I got it. Well, this someone told me about someone else and, thus started the first part of this journey.
I kind of knew that I needed to stop and breathe. I knew it. I couldn't ignore the fact that from as far back as I could remember, my life had been complicated. Even as I grew and moved into new phases of adulthood, things somehow never were simple. Maybe that's why I always take the time to enjoy the simple things in life, those things that are free like nature and, music and, just life itself: Watching it unfold through the people, the sights and the sounds. I like to feel its rhythm pulse through me... Well, to go back to the journey, so I started it a few years ago. And I was kind of very resistant about it all, I realize that now. I don't like to be told what to do when it comes to how I live my life. I really don't. I'm a law-abiding citizen. I follow the rule of law. I do my job. I respect others. I'm civil and courteous most of the times. I can safely say that I'm a decent person who empathizes with the less fortunate and tries to help others, though not as often as I'd like. I nurture my relationship with God and the people in my life. I try to do the right thing as a Christian woman and just as a human being. I'm far from perfect but I'm not the scum of the earth either. I guess I could say that I'm just your average girl. So don't bother me. Let me live my life. That's basically my attitude. Leave me alone. I'm really like that. I think some people would be surprised to find that out but yep, that's who I am. I wouldn't say I'm eccentric but I'm a little bit out of the box.
I had been dealing with a lot of crap before embarking on my journey and, although I held on to joy fast and hard, found or created ways to have some fun, I knew I wasn't really living a happy life. Inside, however, I had joy. My life was far from ideal, but still. I was able to laugh, to dance, to just enjoy those little moments that life offers for fun and relaxation. I like that I always, always found ways to feel and have joy. I like that about me. I knew I couldn't control everything but, I could choose to have joy in my life and so I did. I still do. I still look for ways to just smile or make my heart happy. I thank God for all the ways, big and small He has helped me find joy. Small blessings: unexpected words of praise from people I didn't think were paying attention to me. Big blessings: Loved ones making it through some really tough times. I know God is watching over me. I've always believed that. But, even as I knew and accepted that, I was just pissed sometimes. Pissed that all this shit was happening to me. All this crap. But I handled it. Handled it and handled it. I kept thinking: He has a plan. Everything happens for a reason and "What doesn't break you makes you stronger." And I was always sure of two things, well three, really: I love God. I want Him in my life and, I love life. Plus, I've been blessed with some pretty good friends and loving family members. There were times when I had some things happening in my life and they were not around but even then, I was blessed enough to meet the right people to see me through. I call them angels. So I do feel like I've been blessed a thousand times over. I just never took the time to stop and breathe. Or rather, I did things to unwind but never for too long. Well, things have a way of working out.
I broke my hand in February of last year, I broke it on February 28th, at work but didn't find out it was actually broken until March 3rd. I woke up screaming from the pain of a throbbing hand early Monday morning and just like that, my life stopped. It stopped for two whole months, maybe a little more. It stopped but everything around me kept going. My son kept going to school and my husband kept going to work. It was just me. For the first time in a long time, it was me and I wasn't urgently, critically needed. God used this opportunity of "forced rest" and gave me the gift of time. I finally had time to really stop and think about me, just me. I could finally look inwards, take the time to breathe, to actually work on me. I never really could find enough time to do it and, this time, I did.
I couldn't do much physically. I couldn't move my right hand. It was broken in 3 places and I'm a righty so, I spent a lot of time reading. When everything is calm and stable(my life is pretty hectic), those other things that have been on the back burner naturally move front and center and, that's what happened to me.
I was very knowledgeable about holistic living. I believed in it. I always knew that prescribed programs, any kind of prescribed anything in fact, would not work for me so I was always attracted to healthy and balanced lifestyles. Always. I always think about life and living and keeping "it" real. I just needed to figure out how to do it so that it fits my life. So I read and read, and read some more. I turned to my trusted ally, the same one who's been with me for awhile and then I just... started. I started with my heart. I started researching heart-healthy food. Then, I moved to RA(rheumatoid arthritis) and I found things that could help with that, too. I focused on thinking, writing, talking. Because I'm human. sometimes I would get upset then get over it and that's how it's been.
I don't follow any specific exercise plan. I never did, really. I like to walk and I like to dance. Back in the days, I did them both a whole lot just for fun so, I thought about it and just felt like it would work if I just went with those things that I liked and that's what I did. I never really stopped walking. I just didn't do it regularly. Now I walk and dance with Zumba. I really like Zumba. It's fun and it burns a whole lot of calories. Plus, I know most of the songs. That's an added bonus for me. Walking has the advantage of clearing my mind while filling my lungs with good ol' oxygen. I like to walk on a beautiful sunny day, especially when there's a breeze. I take in the sights, sometime stop to snap pictures of trees or. of nature scenes I like. I'm alone with my thoughts and enjoy some peace and quiet time for as long as I can last that day. I love to walk. I started doing it when I was in middle school and it stuck.
I also decided to hold myself accountable and enlisted my doctor's help so that I could keep track of my progress. That was a friend's idea (one of my blessings) and I'm so thankful for having had that talk with her. Then, while surfing the net, I accidentally found an app, a phone app that helps count calories but more importantly, breaks down the nutrients in your food. I wanted that. I wanted to know about cholesterol and sodium and saturated fats so I downloaded it on my phone and, on the ipad, too. I use it to keep track of my calories, not to obsess over them at all but just to adjust them as needed as my weight goes down. And my weight has gone down. Since I've been on this journey, I have lost a total of 54 pounds. Could be more, could be less but who cares what the exact number is? I'm doing it my way and I feel such freedom doing it, too. That's the best part of this process. I have this freedom that I would have never associated with weight loss. There's a lot more to say about that but that's for another post. As for the journey? Well, Not quite there yet. I have some way to go still but, I'm taking it slow. This journey is a beautiful thing.
So, yes I started this journey. I didn't choose the exact moment to start it. It was forced upon me because of special circumstances or, shall I say, moments of crisis that were happening in my life at the time. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle them all by myself so I turned to someone I knew and trusted for help and I got it. Well, this someone told me about someone else and, thus started the first part of this journey.
I kind of knew that I needed to stop and breathe. I knew it. I couldn't ignore the fact that from as far back as I could remember, my life had been complicated. Even as I grew and moved into new phases of adulthood, things somehow never were simple. Maybe that's why I always take the time to enjoy the simple things in life, those things that are free like nature and, music and, just life itself: Watching it unfold through the people, the sights and the sounds. I like to feel its rhythm pulse through me... Well, to go back to the journey, so I started it a few years ago. And I was kind of very resistant about it all, I realize that now. I don't like to be told what to do when it comes to how I live my life. I really don't. I'm a law-abiding citizen. I follow the rule of law. I do my job. I respect others. I'm civil and courteous most of the times. I can safely say that I'm a decent person who empathizes with the less fortunate and tries to help others, though not as often as I'd like. I nurture my relationship with God and the people in my life. I try to do the right thing as a Christian woman and just as a human being. I'm far from perfect but I'm not the scum of the earth either. I guess I could say that I'm just your average girl. So don't bother me. Let me live my life. That's basically my attitude. Leave me alone. I'm really like that. I think some people would be surprised to find that out but yep, that's who I am. I wouldn't say I'm eccentric but I'm a little bit out of the box.
I had been dealing with a lot of crap before embarking on my journey and, although I held on to joy fast and hard, found or created ways to have some fun, I knew I wasn't really living a happy life. Inside, however, I had joy. My life was far from ideal, but still. I was able to laugh, to dance, to just enjoy those little moments that life offers for fun and relaxation. I like that I always, always found ways to feel and have joy. I like that about me. I knew I couldn't control everything but, I could choose to have joy in my life and so I did. I still do. I still look for ways to just smile or make my heart happy. I thank God for all the ways, big and small He has helped me find joy. Small blessings: unexpected words of praise from people I didn't think were paying attention to me. Big blessings: Loved ones making it through some really tough times. I know God is watching over me. I've always believed that. But, even as I knew and accepted that, I was just pissed sometimes. Pissed that all this shit was happening to me. All this crap. But I handled it. Handled it and handled it. I kept thinking: He has a plan. Everything happens for a reason and "What doesn't break you makes you stronger." And I was always sure of two things, well three, really: I love God. I want Him in my life and, I love life. Plus, I've been blessed with some pretty good friends and loving family members. There were times when I had some things happening in my life and they were not around but even then, I was blessed enough to meet the right people to see me through. I call them angels. So I do feel like I've been blessed a thousand times over. I just never took the time to stop and breathe. Or rather, I did things to unwind but never for too long. Well, things have a way of working out.
I broke my hand in February of last year, I broke it on February 28th, at work but didn't find out it was actually broken until March 3rd. I woke up screaming from the pain of a throbbing hand early Monday morning and just like that, my life stopped. It stopped for two whole months, maybe a little more. It stopped but everything around me kept going. My son kept going to school and my husband kept going to work. It was just me. For the first time in a long time, it was me and I wasn't urgently, critically needed. God used this opportunity of "forced rest" and gave me the gift of time. I finally had time to really stop and think about me, just me. I could finally look inwards, take the time to breathe, to actually work on me. I never really could find enough time to do it and, this time, I did.
I couldn't do much physically. I couldn't move my right hand. It was broken in 3 places and I'm a righty so, I spent a lot of time reading. When everything is calm and stable(my life is pretty hectic), those other things that have been on the back burner naturally move front and center and, that's what happened to me.
I was very knowledgeable about holistic living. I believed in it. I always knew that prescribed programs, any kind of prescribed anything in fact, would not work for me so I was always attracted to healthy and balanced lifestyles. Always. I always think about life and living and keeping "it" real. I just needed to figure out how to do it so that it fits my life. So I read and read, and read some more. I turned to my trusted ally, the same one who's been with me for awhile and then I just... started. I started with my heart. I started researching heart-healthy food. Then, I moved to RA(rheumatoid arthritis) and I found things that could help with that, too. I focused on thinking, writing, talking. Because I'm human. sometimes I would get upset then get over it and that's how it's been.
I don't follow any specific exercise plan. I never did, really. I like to walk and I like to dance. Back in the days, I did them both a whole lot just for fun so, I thought about it and just felt like it would work if I just went with those things that I liked and that's what I did. I never really stopped walking. I just didn't do it regularly. Now I walk and dance with Zumba. I really like Zumba. It's fun and it burns a whole lot of calories. Plus, I know most of the songs. That's an added bonus for me. Walking has the advantage of clearing my mind while filling my lungs with good ol' oxygen. I like to walk on a beautiful sunny day, especially when there's a breeze. I take in the sights, sometime stop to snap pictures of trees or. of nature scenes I like. I'm alone with my thoughts and enjoy some peace and quiet time for as long as I can last that day. I love to walk. I started doing it when I was in middle school and it stuck.
I also decided to hold myself accountable and enlisted my doctor's help so that I could keep track of my progress. That was a friend's idea (one of my blessings) and I'm so thankful for having had that talk with her. Then, while surfing the net, I accidentally found an app, a phone app that helps count calories but more importantly, breaks down the nutrients in your food. I wanted that. I wanted to know about cholesterol and sodium and saturated fats so I downloaded it on my phone and, on the ipad, too. I use it to keep track of my calories, not to obsess over them at all but just to adjust them as needed as my weight goes down. And my weight has gone down. Since I've been on this journey, I have lost a total of 54 pounds. Could be more, could be less but who cares what the exact number is? I'm doing it my way and I feel such freedom doing it, too. That's the best part of this process. I have this freedom that I would have never associated with weight loss. There's a lot more to say about that but that's for another post. As for the journey? Well, Not quite there yet. I have some way to go still but, I'm taking it slow. This journey is a beautiful thing.
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