As women, we are all guilty of it, myself included. We come together as a group and almost immediately, the cattiness begins: The dirty looks, the snide remarks, the inside jokes meant to make others feel left out. We sputter our rosary or bible verses like there is no tomorrow. We pepper the day with inspirational quotes but seem to forget all about them when we are together. We seek peace and tranquility, inner joy is the goal yet, we're not afraid to show our teeth whenever we're together. What happens to serenity, harmony and all of that good stuff when we are together? What happens to karma and what goes around comes around? We talk the talk but are we walking the walk? What is it? What is it that makes us want to get to each other that way? Why do we act one way when we are alone and transform into completely different, barely recognizable individuals when we are together? Are we caught in the moment? And when in the moment, are we losing sight of the bigger picture? The picture of who we want to be? Who we perceive ourselves to be as women?
We all like to paint a pretty picture of ourselves in the private mirror in our head. It's all about self-esteem of course. And why shouldn't we boost ourselves up by perceiving ourselves as caring, loving, supportive women? We work hard. Many of us have the difficult task of raising a family sometimes on our own. We go to school while holding full-time jobs so yes Darn it we deserve the praise! We are strong, capable and resourceful individuals. We carry a heavy load. And now, we also aim for something higher. We want true joy. We have embarked on a quest to find what makes life worth living and to help us in our quest, we've surrounded ourselves with strong, positive role-models that can motivate us when we are just too tired to do it by ourselves.
Yet, when it comes down to it, we are only too quick to turn on each other. The yoga classes and breathing techniques we've been practicing are sorely lacking in their power to help us channel our energy positively and we're back to talking about each other, comparing each other or rather, making sure that we do not get compared to each other at all. Huh Huh, OH NO! Calamity of all calamities! How could they compare us to each other? We're not like each other. We have "SO" moved on from this type of behavior! How dare people even think such a thing? Yes, we have moved on. We've moved on to a more refined, more subtle way to get to each other. We do it by pretending that we are okay with each other when really we are not. We do it by ignoring our differences and indirectly ignoring each other but, we don't actually stop talking to each other. That would show that somehow we've let someone else steal our joy and in this day and age of seeking harmony and serenity, that would just be ridiculous, laughable, unbelievable. Instead, we acknowledge each other with a mundane hello and a quick "how are you" just for the sake of civility, to prove that we are mature and wise, to show that we don't let people get to us even even if we have to grind our teeth and suffer through a conversation.
We don't hate each other; hate is such a strong word. And plus, it would imply that we are being affected negatively by people who really don't matter and if we let that happen, well, they would be stealing our joy wouldn't they? And that's just not going to happen right? So, we can't hate each other. We just dream about ripping each other's eyes out in secret. Wish we could wipe that stupid smile off of each other's faces whenever we cross path and just wonder about the truth behind the words we say to each other, secretly hoping to find fault with them. There may be a burning hope inside us to hear that some of us are not doing as well as they could or should be doing because that would vindicate us for that time they talked down to us, made fun of us, lied to us or about us, wronged us or plain hurt us. We may not admit it because the feeling is so ugly but it happens all the same, sometimes unconsciously We don't want to talk about other women if they're doing well but we'll listen with seemingly bored interest but vengeful glee and inner satisfaction if they're in trouble. We don't go as far as wishing they were dead, commiserate even when evil befalls them or their loved ones, after all there are things we don't wish on our worst enemies but if there's a reason why, we'd like to see them squirm or struggle if only a little.
And the reality is that sometimes there may be a reason. There may be a valid reason why some of us can't bring ourselves to genuinely smile at another woman, a serious reason why we can't stand to be near someone in particular. But when that is the case, we rarely find ourselves in each other's company, usually strive to live our lives away from each other so these would not be the women we would be greeting with air kisses and fake smiles. Not the women we would see at parties because we run in the same circles. No. These would be the women we meet regularly or occasionally, the women we keep in touch with via email or chat with when we are on line. The women we run into at social events, direct sales home parties and motivational seminars.
We are alike in so many ways, want so many of the same things but seem to lose our way when we are together. What is it that causes this to happen? Is it competition? Is it our ego? Is it the "who do you think you are trying to tell me what to do or how to do it" tidbit of our ego that has us ready to rebut every argument while pretending to keep our cool? ( I am so guilty of that!) Is it our ego that has us acting cynically, giving each other the cold shoulder while never discussing the real reason why? Or is it a false sense of superiority? Some misguided sense of entitlement? Some idea that we are better than other women because of our looks, our money, our last names, our connections or our accomplishments? We find so many ways to put each other down and we do it, oh so well when we get together. It finds its way in the middle of a conversation, is dropped as a comment, a look, a disdainful greeting. We know how to make each other feel bad without saying a word. We look through each other but not at each other, use that vague, distant look that sweeps all over us, do not show any smile nor any awareness. We forget to be kind. Kindness is for others, for the poor or the sick, the fragile and the weak. But if our life is decent, if we're doing okay, then we can take a punch. We learn to be sarcastic, staying at the edge of propriety but knowing fully well that there's bad blood brewing. Yet, we are seeking inner peace and tranquility? Really?
