July 26, 2014
Seeking Joy
I can't help but feel grateful for God's blessings both big and small. And, because I am grateful, I am happy. And because I am happy, I want to, not just exist, but live. I have a choice to make: I can either curl into a ball, sink into sadness and despair over what's wrong in my life or, get up and face life with faith and determination, celebrate the good that comes my way when it does. I came to realize that feeling blue and bugged down, mopping around when life is knocking me down doesn't really solve anything. It doesn't make things better faster so, while I accept those feelings when they come, because they do come for I am human and I do have those moments like everybody else, I seek joy. I try to enjoy every moment, no matter how brief, that brings joy to my life. And that has helped me, strengthened me a lot more than the tears I have shed. I will continue to seek joy. The tears will come again I'm sure but when they do, I will look inwards to find the place where joy lives and that will get me through.
July 5, 2014
Don't live your life to prove people right or wrong. Just live your life.
I don't spend a lot of time reflecting on my attributes but, when I do, one of the things I'm most thankful for is this ability that God has put in me, to really think things through. My friends refer to it as analytical skills but I just call it thinking. I'm grateful for this ability to go beyond the obvious and really think about the reasons behind an action, the cause and effect, the consequences. I think it has served me well through the years. It has helped me sifter through the murky waters of dubious relationships, fake approvals and superficial interactions. It has also helped me understand when to fight and when to retreat. I am no expert; I sure don't know everything there is to know about everything but I recognize that every situation, whether good or bad, is an opportunity to learn something new, to grow, to become wiser, to understand more about the world we live in, to understand more about human relationships.
Sometimes my emotions get in the way of my thinking. Sometimes, I'm too close to a situation to see it for what it really is. But eventually, I get it. That eventually may come weeks, months or years later but it does come. When it comes, I must take it all in and this might mean accepting the fact that I may have been wrong, that I may have misread, misjudged, misunderstood words, people, situations. It might also mean that my instincts were right, might confirm those first impressions or prove that I correctly interpreted those vibes I got. I want to be able to understand as much as I can about my world, what affects me and the ones I care about. I want to live an authentic life and can't do that if I don't acknowledge my thoughts and my emotions. I know I'm being redundant but this is really important to me. I know judgment is inevitable. I don't live in a vacuum but what matters the most is the way I choose to live my life. I can only control my actions and reactions. I will never be able to control others' actions or reactions to my life, my words or my own actions. I can't. I'll never know the exact reason, moment or thing that triggered a tongue-lashing or malicious act. I may suffer from it but I can't control it. However, I can live my life according to my truth and just handle things as they come. Perfection is not part of my world so I'll make mistakes, probably repeat some but it's all part of the process. I've learned to accept that though it doesn't stop me from thinking about what is actually happening.
I have found that sometimes, it's best to keep going, to keep being me, to keep living and that, actually is the best way to deter criticism.
Suppose, unknowingly to you, rumors are going around about you. You have no idea what those rumors are, no idea they even exist but they're out there. Because you don't know about them, you go on living your life, acting the way you see fit in any given situation and just by doing that, you are actually disproving those rumors. Well, I have found that it's really the best way to handle it. It works because actions always speak louder than words. That my friends, is an indelible truth. Actions will always speak louder than words and so, living your life according to your truth will always be the best way to live. Don't live your life to prove people right or wrong. Just live your life.
This happened to me at work. As the new kid on the block, I was having a hard time. I'm not talking about the unease, discomfort that's part of every new employee's first weeks in a new position. I'm talking a really difficult time connecting and fitting in. Power of deduction told me that there were any number of rumors going around about me. All I had to do was look at the way people were acting, listen to what they were saying and think. Emotionally, it bothered me. I knew virtually no one in this new job but I kept doing what I was brought there to do. Sometimes I got help, sometimes I didn't. But I kept going. I used what I knew, researched what I didn't and after a little while, I found my own rhythm. It wasn't until maybe six months into it that I got an inkling into how people's perception of me was changing simply because of my actions. I never addressed the rumors. I couldn't since I never really knew, just picked up on a few comments here and there and of course, actions. But, and here is the funny thing, people just started, should I say, being friendly or friendlier. All of a sudden, I was being invited to work-related events and the likes... And just like that, I fitted in. I never tried to be different. I never tried to rise to anyone's expectations. I just kept being me. Would I want to repeat this experience. Honestly, no! Did I learn from it? Absolutely. Can I apply what I've learned from this situation to other parts of my life? Certainly. And that's how I go about my life. I call it "Live and Learn", another one of my favorite phrases. So simple, yet so to the point, so true. What's the point of getting hurt if we can't at least learn from it? The way I see it, my pain and suffering should at least yield some hard-earned wisdom. And that's just one of the many examples that have helped me develop my philosophy of authentic self. I have many, many more, so many more! Sometimes, it involves things and people who really matter to me a whole lot more than a job. Sometimes, it's a little more complicated than what I just shared with you but the principle remains. Stay true to yourself.
Before anyone takes my words and runs with them, let me clarify that: When I say stay true to yourself, I don't mean to give into any and all impulses you may have. To go out there and satisfy each and every one of your whims, wants or desires. Stay true to yourself but have a conscience. Try to live a good life. Avoid hurting others as much as possible (sometimes, hurting others is inevitable) but do try to live a joyful life. Fight for what really matters to you but don't purposely step all over someone else's dreams while doing it. Follow your heart but try not to break someone else's in the process. Know that there is a God, a Being, Something out there and connect with that truth too. If you won't acknowledge that, acknowledge that good will always trump bad and choose wisely. So yes, more than one principle but they all go back to living an authentic life. I forgot to add, have a little sense of humor. It helps take away the edge from those intense moments. I will probably add to my list as I go on living and learning and I'm OK with that. Authenticity is not meant to be static but dynamic. As I continue to grow, so it will grow with me. Some things will either be reinforced or taken away and that's fine. It's all part of being human.
Sometimes my emotions get in the way of my thinking. Sometimes, I'm too close to a situation to see it for what it really is. But eventually, I get it. That eventually may come weeks, months or years later but it does come. When it comes, I must take it all in and this might mean accepting the fact that I may have been wrong, that I may have misread, misjudged, misunderstood words, people, situations. It might also mean that my instincts were right, might confirm those first impressions or prove that I correctly interpreted those vibes I got. I want to be able to understand as much as I can about my world, what affects me and the ones I care about. I want to live an authentic life and can't do that if I don't acknowledge my thoughts and my emotions. I know I'm being redundant but this is really important to me. I know judgment is inevitable. I don't live in a vacuum but what matters the most is the way I choose to live my life. I can only control my actions and reactions. I will never be able to control others' actions or reactions to my life, my words or my own actions. I can't. I'll never know the exact reason, moment or thing that triggered a tongue-lashing or malicious act. I may suffer from it but I can't control it. However, I can live my life according to my truth and just handle things as they come. Perfection is not part of my world so I'll make mistakes, probably repeat some but it's all part of the process. I've learned to accept that though it doesn't stop me from thinking about what is actually happening.
I have found that sometimes, it's best to keep going, to keep being me, to keep living and that, actually is the best way to deter criticism.
Suppose, unknowingly to you, rumors are going around about you. You have no idea what those rumors are, no idea they even exist but they're out there. Because you don't know about them, you go on living your life, acting the way you see fit in any given situation and just by doing that, you are actually disproving those rumors. Well, I have found that it's really the best way to handle it. It works because actions always speak louder than words. That my friends, is an indelible truth. Actions will always speak louder than words and so, living your life according to your truth will always be the best way to live. Don't live your life to prove people right or wrong. Just live your life.
This happened to me at work. As the new kid on the block, I was having a hard time. I'm not talking about the unease, discomfort that's part of every new employee's first weeks in a new position. I'm talking a really difficult time connecting and fitting in. Power of deduction told me that there were any number of rumors going around about me. All I had to do was look at the way people were acting, listen to what they were saying and think. Emotionally, it bothered me. I knew virtually no one in this new job but I kept doing what I was brought there to do. Sometimes I got help, sometimes I didn't. But I kept going. I used what I knew, researched what I didn't and after a little while, I found my own rhythm. It wasn't until maybe six months into it that I got an inkling into how people's perception of me was changing simply because of my actions. I never addressed the rumors. I couldn't since I never really knew, just picked up on a few comments here and there and of course, actions. But, and here is the funny thing, people just started, should I say, being friendly or friendlier. All of a sudden, I was being invited to work-related events and the likes... And just like that, I fitted in. I never tried to be different. I never tried to rise to anyone's expectations. I just kept being me. Would I want to repeat this experience. Honestly, no! Did I learn from it? Absolutely. Can I apply what I've learned from this situation to other parts of my life? Certainly. And that's how I go about my life. I call it "Live and Learn", another one of my favorite phrases. So simple, yet so to the point, so true. What's the point of getting hurt if we can't at least learn from it? The way I see it, my pain and suffering should at least yield some hard-earned wisdom. And that's just one of the many examples that have helped me develop my philosophy of authentic self. I have many, many more, so many more! Sometimes, it involves things and people who really matter to me a whole lot more than a job. Sometimes, it's a little more complicated than what I just shared with you but the principle remains. Stay true to yourself.
Before anyone takes my words and runs with them, let me clarify that: When I say stay true to yourself, I don't mean to give into any and all impulses you may have. To go out there and satisfy each and every one of your whims, wants or desires. Stay true to yourself but have a conscience. Try to live a good life. Avoid hurting others as much as possible (sometimes, hurting others is inevitable) but do try to live a joyful life. Fight for what really matters to you but don't purposely step all over someone else's dreams while doing it. Follow your heart but try not to break someone else's in the process. Know that there is a God, a Being, Something out there and connect with that truth too. If you won't acknowledge that, acknowledge that good will always trump bad and choose wisely. So yes, more than one principle but they all go back to living an authentic life. I forgot to add, have a little sense of humor. It helps take away the edge from those intense moments. I will probably add to my list as I go on living and learning and I'm OK with that. Authenticity is not meant to be static but dynamic. As I continue to grow, so it will grow with me. Some things will either be reinforced or taken away and that's fine. It's all part of being human.
March 24, 2014
What Controls You?
What controls you? What keeps you from reaching your goals? What makes you tick? What are your triggers? What makes you go off a well-woven and carefully chosen path? What makes you feel like a fool? Are you your own worst enemy? At the end of the day nothing will happen unless you take a long, hard look inwards and determine for yourself who or what drives you. Sometimes, you may want to steer your life in a certain direction but fail miserably because you're not in control. This doesn't necessarily mean that you can't hold a job or, that you can't take care of yourself, of your family. It means that some way, somehow, you find yourself moving away from doing those things that are important to you, not finding the time to pursue those goals you've established for yourself because something is in the way. What will it take for you to move past that thing? Get rid of your excuses, as valid as they may be and once you do, you'll rediscover the way to real possibilities.
I'm not a psychologist. My posts are inspired by personal experiences and reflections and can be viewed as excerpts from a journal entry.
January 5, 2014
"Hindisght Is Always 20/20"
As much as I enjoy life and find joy in even the little things, there are some things that just bring me a certain level of unhappiness. There are things that cause my stomach to clamp just thinking about them, things that just weigh me down. It's hard to explain why and honestly, I just don't want to examine those reasons now but I'm sure I'm not the only one who's found herself in this situation. You know how they say if you don't like something, change it? Yeah, well it's easier said than done, I can tell you that. I can't just change something without knowing exactly what I'll get in exchange. I'm an adult, not a child. And while there are some parts of adulthood I cherish above all else, such as my freedom and the control I have over my life, there are other parts that I don't like so much but recognize as being necessary.
Those "necessary parts" can sometimes cause you so much trouble though. And you start wondering if they're really worth it but the truth is, sometimes they are. Sometimes, you don't really have a choice but to stay and keep on keeping on. As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes, you can't just take out the parts you don't like because you can't really be without them. No matter how much you hate thinking about them and what they involve, you can't just get rid of them, at least not right this minute.
I guess you can say that I have an acute sense of responsibility and because I do, I can't in all good conscience just throw away a perfectly good opportunity simply because it doesn't, in any way, bring me closer to my dreams. Although this opportunity may come with a stiff price tag, stress, loss of sleep, tiredness and irritability, I take it because it allows for some other things to happen. My chest may feel constricted, my face rigid and unsmiling, I seize this opportunity and step right in. I just don't know how not to seize an opportunity to make things better even when it comes at a personal price. For every moment I feel like giving up and walking away, I remind myself of all these other things this opportunity has allowed me to do, all these other things it is allowing me to do. And yet... If there was a way to walk away without feeling any guilt at all, without living with the fear of the unknown, I think I would actually do it. I would be bold enough, probably surprise a few people doing so but I would bravely turn my carriage around and go the other way. I would lead my horse to a brand new field and see what happens. I would let it be.
Would I have regrets? Maybe, I don't know. But I already have regrets now. Either way there'd be regrets. Once I go the other way, I may regret doing it but I tell you what I regret now: I regret not thinking this way much sooner, much earlier. I regret not having the guts to admit that I was making a mistake when I still had time to correct it. I regret not talking to more people and not asking more questions. Now, Here are two things that could have helped a great deal! But don't they say that "hindsight is always 20/20"? Humph.
So basically, I understand and accept that I feel a certain way towards some parts of my life. I'm a big girl. No time to sit down and wallow in misery but, although I understand why I feel the way I do and, as much as I'd like to "be the change I want to see", I just can't throw it all away. Because it would be irresponsible and, surprise, surprise, I'm pretty responsible. Who would have thought?
I tell you what though, next time my husband who, from the time we started dating, has always encouraged me to look beyond the practical and necessary, next time he points something out to me, I'll make sure to actually stop and really, really listen, really consider it. And that time may be sooner than you think.
Those "necessary parts" can sometimes cause you so much trouble though. And you start wondering if they're really worth it but the truth is, sometimes they are. Sometimes, you don't really have a choice but to stay and keep on keeping on. As much as I hate to admit it, sometimes, you can't just take out the parts you don't like because you can't really be without them. No matter how much you hate thinking about them and what they involve, you can't just get rid of them, at least not right this minute.
I guess you can say that I have an acute sense of responsibility and because I do, I can't in all good conscience just throw away a perfectly good opportunity simply because it doesn't, in any way, bring me closer to my dreams. Although this opportunity may come with a stiff price tag, stress, loss of sleep, tiredness and irritability, I take it because it allows for some other things to happen. My chest may feel constricted, my face rigid and unsmiling, I seize this opportunity and step right in. I just don't know how not to seize an opportunity to make things better even when it comes at a personal price. For every moment I feel like giving up and walking away, I remind myself of all these other things this opportunity has allowed me to do, all these other things it is allowing me to do. And yet... If there was a way to walk away without feeling any guilt at all, without living with the fear of the unknown, I think I would actually do it. I would be bold enough, probably surprise a few people doing so but I would bravely turn my carriage around and go the other way. I would lead my horse to a brand new field and see what happens. I would let it be.
Would I have regrets? Maybe, I don't know. But I already have regrets now. Either way there'd be regrets. Once I go the other way, I may regret doing it but I tell you what I regret now: I regret not thinking this way much sooner, much earlier. I regret not having the guts to admit that I was making a mistake when I still had time to correct it. I regret not talking to more people and not asking more questions. Now, Here are two things that could have helped a great deal! But don't they say that "hindsight is always 20/20"? Humph.
So basically, I understand and accept that I feel a certain way towards some parts of my life. I'm a big girl. No time to sit down and wallow in misery but, although I understand why I feel the way I do and, as much as I'd like to "be the change I want to see", I just can't throw it all away. Because it would be irresponsible and, surprise, surprise, I'm pretty responsible. Who would have thought?
I tell you what though, next time my husband who, from the time we started dating, has always encouraged me to look beyond the practical and necessary, next time he points something out to me, I'll make sure to actually stop and really, really listen, really consider it. And that time may be sooner than you think.
January 2, 2014
Joy
If there's one thing I'm most thankful for it's Joy! Somehow, God managed to fill my heart with so much joy that even when I should be crying, I find reasons to smile, to enjoy life and I think that, my friends, is a true gift. It's not that I don't know pain, or don't react to pain, or don't feel pain but I like feeling joy and so I seek it, find it and recognize it in people and places.
When I think of what's most important to me, I think of my family: my husband, my son, my parents, my sibling, my friends. But when I think of something I like most about myself, I think of joy, this capacity to feel happiness at the sight of beautiful flowers, or, as defined by this website:
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/joyjoy (joi)
When I think of what's most important to me, I think of my family: my husband, my son, my parents, my sibling, my friends. But when I think of something I like most about myself, I think of joy, this capacity to feel happiness at the sight of beautiful flowers, or, as defined by this website:
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/joyjoy (joi)
n.
1.
a. Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness.
b. The expression or manifestation of such feeling.
2. A source or an object of pleasure or satisfaction: their only child, their pride and joy.
v. joyed, joy·ing, joys
v.intr.
To take great pleasure; rejoice.
v.tr. Archaic
1. To fill with ecstatic happiness, pleasure, or satisfaction.
2. To enjoy.
I do that. And I do it a lot. I like to live life fully, to enjoy every little moment. and you know what? I'm grateful for that, for the fact that I find pleasure in the most unexpected places, for the simplest reasons because I don't think I could be living my life, the life I have today, without carrying this joy in my heart. I live a pretty difficult life. I'm not going to pretend that I don't. And I know what they say: As a Christian, I have to bear my cross and I believe that too but, I don't have to like it, right? Well, thanks to joy, this ability to feel happiness, I go through my day with a fair amount of joy. I don't start my day telling myself I'm going to find joy today. I just seize opportunities, whether big or small, when they present themselves, do things that either make me smile, satisfy me on one level or another or, make me happy. For example, hugging my son, tickling him and kissing him make me happy. I enjoy doing these things to him. Because they make him smile, they make me smile and make me feel close to him. they make my husband smile, too and I feel like it's a good family moment. I don't do it all every day but I do pretty often. I enjoy teasing my husband and making him laugh. I enjoy having fresh flowers around the house and I buy them for myself, too, just because. I also enjoy eating ice cream, splashing the water with my feet, taking care of my plants and laughing when I watch old episodes of sitcoms I've seen a thousand times. Joy! I thank God for putting it in my heart.
Out with the Old? Not So Fast... Some Old Principles Still Guide Me.
I don't know when I started internalizing some of these principles but somewhere along the path of life, I began paying attention to some writings and sayings that I saw or heard here and there. Some resonated with me maybe because I was going through something at the time and it just made sense then. Some gave me pause and made me think about my own life and its direction. Some challenged me and pushed me to examine my inner thoughts. Some have been a part of me and have guided my steps like a lighthouse. Here they are, not necessarily in order of importance but rather in a random collection amassed across the years.
So my first one is Believe in something greater than you. A higher power, the power of love. Something that embodies all that is good and pure. I call it God. Other people may call it something else. But I call it God. I just find that believing in God and Having Faith, Divine Faith, helps. It anchors me and my beliefs. It guides me through all the good and the bad. It doesn't give me all the answers but it anchors me. It solidifies my life. Otherwise, I would have drowned a long time ago. I would have been some sort of "-'aholic" or other. Really. But My faith in God, in the power of good versus evil, in love, in the innate goodness of people has helped me. I pray. I talk to people, I share my story. I live life. I enjoy the good times. I hate the bad times but find hands to hold and smiles to warm my soul. I find strength.
And that leads to my other one: Enjoy! Life! Enjoy This Life! This One! The Very One You Are Living Right Now, Right This Minute! Not the one you are dreaming of. not the one you thought you should have but this one! Take Control of your circumstances and redefine your idea of joy. You may not be happy, may not have the heart, ability, will to be happy but you can find joy in the little things. See, I come from a place where there were many, many reasons for me to cry and be bitter. Things that happened to me that I don't really understand. Things that were beyond my control but the minute I had a little bit of freedom over my circumstances, even if it was just in my thoughts, I chose to live. Sometimes, I did it quietly by simply listening to a song on the radio and enjoying the sounds, the rhythm, the vibes. Sometimes, I did it loudly, with a crash and a bang by partying my head off, by dancing until I couldn't feel my feet anymore, by taking risks and venturing into the unknown. It didn't always work out well in those cases but I learned something every time. Live. Life. Fully. Enjoy the first signs of springs, the waves on a summer beach, the feel of the water on your skin, the heat of the sun on your face, the cold of a snowflake on your nose. Please live. It's important. Depression is only one moment away, never too far to take over. And, if you're feeling lonely and dejected, you are a prime target. Happy memories create this mental blanket to wrap yourself in when you're feeling blue. Well, maybe it won't work for you but it works for me.
Here's something else I'm discovering: All these sayings about life, happiness and how to be your best self are pretty accurate. Philosophers, life coaches, pastors and all these other folks did all the work and all I have to do is reflect, dig a little deeper. Well, the longer I live, the more I find their sayings to be true. I would love to argue that some of them don't make sense but I talk to a lot of different people. People who lean right, left or center, people who I call childhood friends, colleagues who became friends and friends from this last decade and according to them, happiness comes from all the things we read about in those self-help books and on the net:
Loving yourself, embracing yourself seems to be the path to a better life, better you. Embrace who you are, all of you, all the different, complex and complicated layers that make you who you are. And some parts of you might be less pleasant than others or more complicated but so what? They are a part of you and make you the person that you are so accept them. Try to be yourself ; it's the easiest way to be, isn't it? So if you find that you like to dance and read poetry but also find yourself cursing in your head at the driver who just cut you off, then be it. That's who you are. You gotta keep it real. If you're going to ignore those impulses every time they come up, you are really denying part of yourself, pretending to be someone else. No good can come from pretending to be someone you're not. I know it's hard to embrace all of you completely because it may just not fit other people's idea of you or even the image of yourself that you have but you can't improve on who you are until you've accepted every little part of you. Don't worry about meeting other people's expectations. Forget about what they say or who they say you are or should be. Be yourself as defined by you. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to be better but first accept who you are as an individual, the essence of you. If you don't know that much about you, then stop trying to be someone you don't know and discover yourself. That's important. You may just find that you have a fabulous mind, talent or potential. Really.
Be smart with your money dammit! Be financially responsible but keep your eyes open for opportunities, opportunities that may just make the difference between a comfortable and a difficult life. I started doing this way, way too late in my life. But now that I'm looking at my third year in my forties (sigh), I want to find ways to make things better for my family and for me. And I want to do it before I'm at the point where I can't remember what I meant to do with the money. Why not? If financial freedom means less stress and more control over parts of my life I can't control now, I'm definitely interested. Money matters. Money will not buy you happiness, that's true but it will reduce/eliminate many problems that are directly tied to it. Read bills, bills, bills!
L'exces en tout nuit. All that is excessive is cumbersome. That's the best I could come up with in terms of translation but boy oh boy do I agree with that one. It's true, Everything in excess becomes too much. It's true! Too much of anything basically keeps you from appreciating everything, OK! I'm talking from personal experience. Plus, you get the guilt that comes with it too. You want to have plenty. You want to do plenty, you want to give plenty but you (and I have to do learn to do this too; I'm not quite there yet) have to know when too much is too much. Otherwise, you may either 1) lose something or someone
2) hurt yourself or others
3) miss out on other opportunities
4) suffer from the consequences for a very, very long time.
Have Some Fun but don't go crazy. I can't tell you not to do anything stupid because you will. YOU WILL! But don't let it drag you down and don't go overboard. I thought I was crazy because my dad always said I was a rebel. Well, compared to the stuff that shows up in the news and on line, I was a pretty lame rebel. My dad was super strict and I just wanted some level of freedom. I can't use that rebel label at all when I compare myself to other rebels out there. In fact, I'm pretty middle of the road ordinary. I just like to have fun. I like to dance, I like to sing. I like to go out and I like to socialize. I like living. Just not in a way that involves imminent danger. I've done stupid; I've been stubborn but come to think of it, my only claim to fame was really nothing more than an imitation of a real crisis. It only lasted two months but it made a lot of noise. Other than that, It's been just a cycle of life events. life crisis and whatever else life chose to throw my way. Have some fun. It will do you good but don't go crazy.
Guard your privacy. Please! This is important. To the risk of appearing rude, turn down invitations from people you have absolutely no ties with on social media. If you are in the public eye, than create a public persona but guard your privacy. No need to give too much information about your life, your sorrows, and all of that. You never know what people are up to and what they may decide to do with your information. I have to remind myself to follow that one all the time. I may not be able to control what's out there. I have resigned myself to the fact that companies have accumulated a wealth of information about me but whenever and wherever possible, I put those privacy guards up. I don't know you like that lady. I will not come to your house for coffee. However, I will meet you in a public place to have that cup of Joe. I'm very wary of things that happen too fast. That's just me. So I follow my instinct on that one. Plus, I've had my credit cards stolen twice already. People hacked one of my accounts. I was a victim of identify theft more than once, enough times to understand the importance of protecting my privacy. Only share valuable information with those you know and know very well.
Here's another one I've learned: Not everything needs to be written down. In fact, you should definitely not write everything down, especially not on social media or even in a blog :-). Once you post it, it's here to stay so think hard, very hard about what you are putting out there in the net universe. Be prepared to explain, clarify or defend your point if needs be. It may happen so never say never.
The one I'm still working on is this one: Take care of yourself. Take good care of yourself. This one sounds like a given but I know many, way too many people in my circle alone who struggle with that one so I know I'm not alone. We are so busy. Those of us in our 20's, 30's, 40's and 50's. We just let life take over and fail to take care of ourselves even when we know we should. I blame myself a lot for that and it doesn't matter what I say or what people say to me, I struggle with the guilt. That's just where I am right now. I feel like I should have known better than to let myself get to the point where something seems impossible. Not when I'm always scooting and snooping around the net, searching for and reading articles about the benefits of good health and good eating habits. I feel like I let myself down on this one but that's a whole other post. Back to this one.
Work hard. No one got what they wanted by not working hard and that's the truth. Just pick up any book at random, any book about anyone famous and you'll see for yourself. Work hard but know what you're working for. Work hard because you want to, because you have to, because it's the mean to an end. Work hard to get something you want, to ensure the future of your children, to buy the things you want or need, to make the world a better place. Don't lose sight of why you're working hard. Keep that at the forefront of your mind for those days when you just want to scream and kick out of frustration. Work hard but know when to stop. Listen to your body. Listen to it closely. The lower back pain, headaches and insomnia are sending you a message. Ease up a little. Getting sick won't help you get to the top and it certainly won't allow you to make enough money for that special project you have, let alone enjoy it. So yes, work hard but don't kill yourself doing it.
Don't just take from people. You can't just take and take without ever giving something in return. You don't have to give it to the same people you're taking from. You can give to someone else, completely unrelated to those who give to you but do give. It will make you feel good inside and God (or the universe) will return it to you tenfold.
Make friends. Humans are not meant to be alone. I think it's important to connect with other people. It helps us grow as individuals and, friends are good for the soul. Just make sure you use common sense. Don't invite complete strangers into your home. Let every relation follow its natural course and progress gradually. Again, keep your eyes open and follow your gut feeling. If your instinct screams "trouble" stay away! Refer back to my section about guarding your privacy.
This one is not as easy as it sounds. Filter through your priorities and decide what's important. Be honest with yourself. Take a good and hard look at your life. Take the time to examine each piece of information that lies there and ask yourself "does this matter, does it not? Once you've come up with an honest answer, Whatever your answer, you need to have a plan. Can you change anything? Improve on something that's already there? Pursue a goal that's been on your bucket list for a long time? Is there anything that needs your immediate attention? You will need time to answer these questions so find and make time. You need to make time. Filtering through your priorities, realigning and redefining them is important and can really impact your life. It's worth giving it your time and attention.
Here's another one I use: Have a sense of humor. You know how they say that laughter is good medicine for the soul? Well, I don't know if it's true but I think humor definitely lightens things up. To be able to laugh at yourself a little, to look a situation and see the humor in it, to laugh earthily at a joke. These all release good energy in the world. Laughing is a stress reliever, a good way to relax and unwind so try not to take yourself too seriously and laugh a little.
I only started using this principle ten years ago or so, but I think it's worth mentioning: Be aware and stay connected to the world. Know what's going on around you. What goes on in the world has ripple effects and may affect you on one level or another. Epidemics, wars, natural disaster, they all affect you one way or another. Today you might be the one donating money for a cause, for disaster relief, to help another. Tomorrow, it may be you waiting on help for complete strangers. You just never know. And at home, what goes on politically definitely affects you so be aware. Learn the facts, stay informed. Don't turn away from the news. You don't have to obsess over it but know enough to understand the issues. Don't pretend that what happens outside your house has nothing to do with your life because it does. Of course it does. You are part of this world. Decisions that are made affect you; what happens in this world affects you, not just you but your family, too.
My list can be quite extensive. There's so much to think about so I'll end with Try Something New. Adventure is always a welcome reprieve from life's routines. You may do something that sounds absolutely boring to someone else but if it is something you would never do because that's not your personality, it may be all the adventure you need. Go out there and discover something. It may not be new or crazy but, it will be worth it if you find it exciting and interesting.
Cheers!
So my first one is Believe in something greater than you. A higher power, the power of love. Something that embodies all that is good and pure. I call it God. Other people may call it something else. But I call it God. I just find that believing in God and Having Faith, Divine Faith, helps. It anchors me and my beliefs. It guides me through all the good and the bad. It doesn't give me all the answers but it anchors me. It solidifies my life. Otherwise, I would have drowned a long time ago. I would have been some sort of "-'aholic" or other. Really. But My faith in God, in the power of good versus evil, in love, in the innate goodness of people has helped me. I pray. I talk to people, I share my story. I live life. I enjoy the good times. I hate the bad times but find hands to hold and smiles to warm my soul. I find strength.
And that leads to my other one: Enjoy! Life! Enjoy This Life! This One! The Very One You Are Living Right Now, Right This Minute! Not the one you are dreaming of. not the one you thought you should have but this one! Take Control of your circumstances and redefine your idea of joy. You may not be happy, may not have the heart, ability, will to be happy but you can find joy in the little things. See, I come from a place where there were many, many reasons for me to cry and be bitter. Things that happened to me that I don't really understand. Things that were beyond my control but the minute I had a little bit of freedom over my circumstances, even if it was just in my thoughts, I chose to live. Sometimes, I did it quietly by simply listening to a song on the radio and enjoying the sounds, the rhythm, the vibes. Sometimes, I did it loudly, with a crash and a bang by partying my head off, by dancing until I couldn't feel my feet anymore, by taking risks and venturing into the unknown. It didn't always work out well in those cases but I learned something every time. Live. Life. Fully. Enjoy the first signs of springs, the waves on a summer beach, the feel of the water on your skin, the heat of the sun on your face, the cold of a snowflake on your nose. Please live. It's important. Depression is only one moment away, never too far to take over. And, if you're feeling lonely and dejected, you are a prime target. Happy memories create this mental blanket to wrap yourself in when you're feeling blue. Well, maybe it won't work for you but it works for me.
Here's something else I'm discovering: All these sayings about life, happiness and how to be your best self are pretty accurate. Philosophers, life coaches, pastors and all these other folks did all the work and all I have to do is reflect, dig a little deeper. Well, the longer I live, the more I find their sayings to be true. I would love to argue that some of them don't make sense but I talk to a lot of different people. People who lean right, left or center, people who I call childhood friends, colleagues who became friends and friends from this last decade and according to them, happiness comes from all the things we read about in those self-help books and on the net:
Loving yourself, embracing yourself seems to be the path to a better life, better you. Embrace who you are, all of you, all the different, complex and complicated layers that make you who you are. And some parts of you might be less pleasant than others or more complicated but so what? They are a part of you and make you the person that you are so accept them. Try to be yourself ; it's the easiest way to be, isn't it? So if you find that you like to dance and read poetry but also find yourself cursing in your head at the driver who just cut you off, then be it. That's who you are. You gotta keep it real. If you're going to ignore those impulses every time they come up, you are really denying part of yourself, pretending to be someone else. No good can come from pretending to be someone you're not. I know it's hard to embrace all of you completely because it may just not fit other people's idea of you or even the image of yourself that you have but you can't improve on who you are until you've accepted every little part of you. Don't worry about meeting other people's expectations. Forget about what they say or who they say you are or should be. Be yourself as defined by you. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to be better but first accept who you are as an individual, the essence of you. If you don't know that much about you, then stop trying to be someone you don't know and discover yourself. That's important. You may just find that you have a fabulous mind, talent or potential. Really.
Be smart with your money dammit! Be financially responsible but keep your eyes open for opportunities, opportunities that may just make the difference between a comfortable and a difficult life. I started doing this way, way too late in my life. But now that I'm looking at my third year in my forties (sigh), I want to find ways to make things better for my family and for me. And I want to do it before I'm at the point where I can't remember what I meant to do with the money. Why not? If financial freedom means less stress and more control over parts of my life I can't control now, I'm definitely interested. Money matters. Money will not buy you happiness, that's true but it will reduce/eliminate many problems that are directly tied to it. Read bills, bills, bills!
L'exces en tout nuit. All that is excessive is cumbersome. That's the best I could come up with in terms of translation but boy oh boy do I agree with that one. It's true, Everything in excess becomes too much. It's true! Too much of anything basically keeps you from appreciating everything, OK! I'm talking from personal experience. Plus, you get the guilt that comes with it too. You want to have plenty. You want to do plenty, you want to give plenty but you (and I have to do learn to do this too; I'm not quite there yet) have to know when too much is too much. Otherwise, you may either 1) lose something or someone
2) hurt yourself or others
3) miss out on other opportunities
4) suffer from the consequences for a very, very long time.
Have Some Fun but don't go crazy. I can't tell you not to do anything stupid because you will. YOU WILL! But don't let it drag you down and don't go overboard. I thought I was crazy because my dad always said I was a rebel. Well, compared to the stuff that shows up in the news and on line, I was a pretty lame rebel. My dad was super strict and I just wanted some level of freedom. I can't use that rebel label at all when I compare myself to other rebels out there. In fact, I'm pretty middle of the road ordinary. I just like to have fun. I like to dance, I like to sing. I like to go out and I like to socialize. I like living. Just not in a way that involves imminent danger. I've done stupid; I've been stubborn but come to think of it, my only claim to fame was really nothing more than an imitation of a real crisis. It only lasted two months but it made a lot of noise. Other than that, It's been just a cycle of life events. life crisis and whatever else life chose to throw my way. Have some fun. It will do you good but don't go crazy.
Guard your privacy. Please! This is important. To the risk of appearing rude, turn down invitations from people you have absolutely no ties with on social media. If you are in the public eye, than create a public persona but guard your privacy. No need to give too much information about your life, your sorrows, and all of that. You never know what people are up to and what they may decide to do with your information. I have to remind myself to follow that one all the time. I may not be able to control what's out there. I have resigned myself to the fact that companies have accumulated a wealth of information about me but whenever and wherever possible, I put those privacy guards up. I don't know you like that lady. I will not come to your house for coffee. However, I will meet you in a public place to have that cup of Joe. I'm very wary of things that happen too fast. That's just me. So I follow my instinct on that one. Plus, I've had my credit cards stolen twice already. People hacked one of my accounts. I was a victim of identify theft more than once, enough times to understand the importance of protecting my privacy. Only share valuable information with those you know and know very well.
Here's another one I've learned: Not everything needs to be written down. In fact, you should definitely not write everything down, especially not on social media or even in a blog :-). Once you post it, it's here to stay so think hard, very hard about what you are putting out there in the net universe. Be prepared to explain, clarify or defend your point if needs be. It may happen so never say never.
The one I'm still working on is this one: Take care of yourself. Take good care of yourself. This one sounds like a given but I know many, way too many people in my circle alone who struggle with that one so I know I'm not alone. We are so busy. Those of us in our 20's, 30's, 40's and 50's. We just let life take over and fail to take care of ourselves even when we know we should. I blame myself a lot for that and it doesn't matter what I say or what people say to me, I struggle with the guilt. That's just where I am right now. I feel like I should have known better than to let myself get to the point where something seems impossible. Not when I'm always scooting and snooping around the net, searching for and reading articles about the benefits of good health and good eating habits. I feel like I let myself down on this one but that's a whole other post. Back to this one.
Work hard. No one got what they wanted by not working hard and that's the truth. Just pick up any book at random, any book about anyone famous and you'll see for yourself. Work hard but know what you're working for. Work hard because you want to, because you have to, because it's the mean to an end. Work hard to get something you want, to ensure the future of your children, to buy the things you want or need, to make the world a better place. Don't lose sight of why you're working hard. Keep that at the forefront of your mind for those days when you just want to scream and kick out of frustration. Work hard but know when to stop. Listen to your body. Listen to it closely. The lower back pain, headaches and insomnia are sending you a message. Ease up a little. Getting sick won't help you get to the top and it certainly won't allow you to make enough money for that special project you have, let alone enjoy it. So yes, work hard but don't kill yourself doing it.
Don't just take from people. You can't just take and take without ever giving something in return. You don't have to give it to the same people you're taking from. You can give to someone else, completely unrelated to those who give to you but do give. It will make you feel good inside and God (or the universe) will return it to you tenfold.
Make friends. Humans are not meant to be alone. I think it's important to connect with other people. It helps us grow as individuals and, friends are good for the soul. Just make sure you use common sense. Don't invite complete strangers into your home. Let every relation follow its natural course and progress gradually. Again, keep your eyes open and follow your gut feeling. If your instinct screams "trouble" stay away! Refer back to my section about guarding your privacy.
This one is not as easy as it sounds. Filter through your priorities and decide what's important. Be honest with yourself. Take a good and hard look at your life. Take the time to examine each piece of information that lies there and ask yourself "does this matter, does it not? Once you've come up with an honest answer, Whatever your answer, you need to have a plan. Can you change anything? Improve on something that's already there? Pursue a goal that's been on your bucket list for a long time? Is there anything that needs your immediate attention? You will need time to answer these questions so find and make time. You need to make time. Filtering through your priorities, realigning and redefining them is important and can really impact your life. It's worth giving it your time and attention.
Here's another one I use: Have a sense of humor. You know how they say that laughter is good medicine for the soul? Well, I don't know if it's true but I think humor definitely lightens things up. To be able to laugh at yourself a little, to look a situation and see the humor in it, to laugh earthily at a joke. These all release good energy in the world. Laughing is a stress reliever, a good way to relax and unwind so try not to take yourself too seriously and laugh a little.
I only started using this principle ten years ago or so, but I think it's worth mentioning: Be aware and stay connected to the world. Know what's going on around you. What goes on in the world has ripple effects and may affect you on one level or another. Epidemics, wars, natural disaster, they all affect you one way or another. Today you might be the one donating money for a cause, for disaster relief, to help another. Tomorrow, it may be you waiting on help for complete strangers. You just never know. And at home, what goes on politically definitely affects you so be aware. Learn the facts, stay informed. Don't turn away from the news. You don't have to obsess over it but know enough to understand the issues. Don't pretend that what happens outside your house has nothing to do with your life because it does. Of course it does. You are part of this world. Decisions that are made affect you; what happens in this world affects you, not just you but your family, too.
My list can be quite extensive. There's so much to think about so I'll end with Try Something New. Adventure is always a welcome reprieve from life's routines. You may do something that sounds absolutely boring to someone else but if it is something you would never do because that's not your personality, it may be all the adventure you need. Go out there and discover something. It may not be new or crazy but, it will be worth it if you find it exciting and interesting.
Cheers!
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