Out of Left Field

You know how sometimes, something crosses your mind just like that, occasionally but you never really dwell on it? How you may think about a situation, something or someone but because it just isn't, wasn't much of anything, you just kind of brush it off?  Well, I have things that I think about like that and people who I think about like that, too.  People who I may have met once or twice in my lifetime, or people I may have interacted with as a child without really getting close to them. And so, I've been living my life thinking that I had pretty much adjusted to any and all irregularities in my life, whether they had a direct impact or just existed at the very far corner of my subconscious.  So imagine my surprise when today I started writing and what came out was completely unexpected.  I just had no idea I had these resentful feelings inside. They must have been buried way, way deep inside.  So deep in fact, that I surprised myself when what was meant to be a simple, brief journal entry dug up some old memories of things I thought I had completely forgotten, of things that I wish I had forgotten, things I didn't think meant anything to me. Some things are better left alone. The funny thing is I don't even recall what triggered these memories or caused the feelings associated with them to surface. They just did and before I knew it, I was writing a letter to someone who is no longer, expressing my regret but also my anger for what could have been, but wasn't.   This is a part of me I did not even know was there. 

And life goes on...

Gee I just read my last post and realized that it was all about my turning 40 and you know what? Even though, it's only been just a little over a month that I became a forty year-old woman, it feels like eons ago. Mabye it's because life just kind of took over and everything fell back into place.  Since my big 4-0 birthday, so much has happened! I was away from my house and went up north to visit my sister who had twins for 17 days. I came back home utterly exhausted from helping her out but happy to have spent time with my little darlings only to get ready for company.  So, I've been busy, way too busy to have had time to dwell on how it feels to be forty. I'm still enjoying the newness of it all I guess; I'm still getting used to the idea that I'm forty, still getting used to saying it and hearing others referring to me as a forty-year old woman.  I'm still learning to think of myself in those terms.  Anyway, I think I've pretty much embraced the idea that turning 40 is the beginning of the best years of my life and I intend to keep it that way. 
Now, to get back to life: Things are happening all around me. Even though the economy is bad, there are some who still manage to achieve big things and to go places.  I'm so happy when I see that! At least, they're not letting the circumstances hold them down.  So much has happened in the last couple of months I feel like I've run a marathon.  On top of my regular load of teaching, mothering my son and being a spouse, I've handled a first communion, have celebrated a major milestone birthday as well as my tenth wedding anniversary and, have helped my sister with her twins for close to two weeks. Whew!!! Just thinking about it has me out of breath! All the little parts of me indeed! To be simultaneously the professional, the mother, the wife and the sister I need to be is it any wonder I've lost forty pounds so far this year? It's not always like this, Thank God!!! I wouldn't be able to handle this kind of rhythm on a regular basis. 
Actually, I lie.  While this year may be a little more stressful because it came packed with important dates of events to celebrate, life has been hectic for a while. I just never seem to be be able to reach a point where I'm just serene and where nothing but the ordinary is happening. No, on the contrary, every time hubby and I seem to finally be getting to the point where we can just live peacefully, life takes a wild turn and the shock waves come. And believe me, we do not ask for it. I for one, would be very happy to live an uneventful life, if only for a year. I won't say if only for a day because we do have good days but it never goes further than a couple of months. Without fault, something always comes up that upsets the rythm of life after a few months and we just have to go with the flow.  Last year, well last year, there was a major earthquake in Haiti, our native land and, God knows that was a terrible upset to our life. And before that, well, there was fighting for our boy... There's always fighting for our boy.  When all else fails, we can always count on the public schools to create some excitement in our lives since they've taken a pledge to make it as hard as they possibly can for special needs students and their families... Still, I do think that this year is by far, the busiest, most hectic we've had in a while. And I pray that we'll be able to go back to normal. Well, our normal that is. Later!