So, yes I started this journey. I didn't choose the exact moment to start it. It was forced upon me because of special circumstances or, shall I say, moments of crisis that were happening in my life at the time. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle them all by myself so I turned to someone I knew and trusted for help and I got it. Well, this someone told me about someone else and, thus started the first part of this journey.
I kind of knew that I needed to stop and breathe. I knew it. I couldn't ignore the fact that from as far back as I could remember, my life had been complicated. Even as I grew and moved into new phases of adulthood, things somehow never were simple. Maybe that's why I always take the time to enjoy the simple things in life, those things that are free like nature and, music and, just life itself: Watching it unfold through the people, the sights and the sounds. I like to feel its rhythm pulse through me... Well, to go back to the journey, so I started it a few years ago. And I was kind of very resistant about it all, I realize that now. I don't like to be told what to do when it comes to how I live my life. I really don't. I'm a law-abiding citizen. I follow the rule of law. I do my job. I respect others. I'm civil and courteous most of the times. I can safely say that I'm a decent person who empathizes with the less fortunate and tries to help others, though not as often as I'd like. I nurture my relationship with God and the people in my life. I try to do the right thing as a Christian woman and just as a human being. I'm far from perfect but I'm not the scum of the earth either. I guess I could say that I'm just your average girl. So don't bother me. Let me live my life. That's basically my attitude. Leave me alone. I'm really like that. I think some people would be surprised to find that out but yep, that's who I am. I wouldn't say I'm eccentric but I'm a little bit out of the box.
I had been dealing with a lot of crap before embarking on my journey and, although I held on to joy fast and hard, found or created ways to have some fun, I knew I wasn't really living a happy life. Inside, however, I had joy. My life was far from ideal, but still. I was able to laugh, to dance, to just enjoy those little moments that life offers for fun and relaxation. I like that I always, always found ways to feel and have joy. I like that about me. I knew I couldn't control everything but, I could choose to have joy in my life and so I did. I still do. I still look for ways to just smile or make my heart happy. I thank God for all the ways, big and small He has helped me find joy. Small blessings: unexpected words of praise from people I didn't think were paying attention to me. Big blessings: Loved ones making it through some really tough times. I know God is watching over me. I've always believed that. But, even as I knew and accepted that, I was just pissed sometimes. Pissed that all this shit was happening to me. All this crap. But I handled it. Handled it and handled it. I kept thinking: He has a plan. Everything happens for a reason and "What doesn't break you makes you stronger." And I was always sure of two things, well three, really: I love God. I want Him in my life and, I love life. Plus, I've been blessed with some pretty good friends and loving family members. There were times when I had some things happening in my life and they were not around but even then, I was blessed enough to meet the right people to see me through. I call them angels. So I do feel like I've been blessed a thousand times over. I just never took the time to stop and breathe. Or rather, I did things to unwind but never for too long. Well, things have a way of working out.
I broke my hand in February of last year, I broke it on February 28th, at work but didn't find out it was actually broken until March 3rd. I woke up screaming from the pain of a throbbing hand early Monday morning and just like that, my life stopped. It stopped for two whole months, maybe a little more. It stopped but everything around me kept going. My son kept going to school and my husband kept going to work. It was just me. For the first time in a long time, it was me and I wasn't urgently, critically needed. God used this opportunity of "forced rest" and gave me the gift of time. I finally had time to really stop and think about me, just me. I could finally look inwards, take the time to breathe, to actually work on me. I never really could find enough time to do it and, this time, I did.
I couldn't do much physically. I couldn't move my right hand. It was broken in 3 places and I'm a righty so, I spent a lot of time reading. When everything is calm and stable(my life is pretty hectic), those other things that have been on the back burner naturally move front and center and, that's what happened to me.
I was very knowledgeable about holistic living. I believed in it. I always knew that prescribed programs, any kind of prescribed anything in fact, would not work for me so I was always attracted to healthy and balanced lifestyles. Always. I always think about life and living and keeping "it" real. I just needed to figure out how to do it so that it fits my life. So I read and read, and read some more. I turned to my trusted ally, the same one who's been with me for awhile and then I just... started. I started with my heart. I started researching heart-healthy food. Then, I moved to RA(rheumatoid arthritis) and I found things that could help with that, too. I focused on thinking, writing, talking. Because I'm human. sometimes I would get upset then get over it and that's how it's been.
I don't follow any specific exercise plan. I never did, really. I like to walk and I like to dance. Back in the days, I did them both a whole lot just for fun so, I thought about it and just felt like it would work if I just went with those things that I liked and that's what I did. I never really stopped walking. I just didn't do it regularly. Now I walk and dance with Zumba. I really like Zumba. It's fun and it burns a whole lot of calories. Plus, I know most of the songs. That's an added bonus for me. Walking has the advantage of clearing my mind while filling my lungs with good ol' oxygen. I like to walk on a beautiful sunny day, especially when there's a breeze. I take in the sights, sometime stop to snap pictures of trees or. of nature scenes I like. I'm alone with my thoughts and enjoy some peace and quiet time for as long as I can last that day. I love to walk. I started doing it when I was in middle school and it stuck.
I also decided to hold myself accountable and enlisted my doctor's help so that I could keep track of my progress. That was a friend's idea (one of my blessings) and I'm so thankful for having had that talk with her. Then, while surfing the net, I accidentally found an app, a phone app that helps count calories but more importantly, breaks down the nutrients in your food. I wanted that. I wanted to know about cholesterol and sodium and saturated fats so I downloaded it on my phone and, on the ipad, too. I use it to keep track of my calories, not to obsess over them at all but just to adjust them as needed as my weight goes down. And my weight has gone down. Since I've been on this journey, I have lost a total of 54 pounds. Could be more, could be less but who cares what the exact number is? I'm doing it my way and I feel such freedom doing it, too. That's the best part of this process. I have this freedom that I would have never associated with weight loss. There's a lot more to say about that but that's for another post. As for the journey? Well, Not quite there yet. I have some way to go still but, I'm taking it slow. This journey is a beautiful thing.
